Welcome help to our series Rembert Explains. On occasion, 28-year-dilapidated Rembert Browne will gaze a video from the past. Rembert will write down his thoughts as he’s staring at the video, then we’ll put up those thoughts right here. This week is the closing installment, selected by Rembert Browne: “Unleash the Dragon” by Sisqo, from the year 1999. If chances are high you’ll per chance presumably contain got an notion for a future episode of Rembert Explains, it is sadly too slack.
(That will not be the first time I’ve written about this video on Grantland. In and not using a doubt one of the early YouTube Hall of Popularity posts [date: October 26, 2011], this used to be my blurb preserve for “The Worst Tune Movies of All Time.” Feels factual to head long on it, four beefy years later.)
0: 02 This video is already dearer than it must be. Two seconds in, there has already been the sound of a helicopter, an aerial shot, and an proper crowd.
0: 08 Why did all of those other folks point to up for this video? I’ve below no circumstances seen so many folk create this kind of unhealthy decision at the identical time.
0: 11 It’s so upsetting that as a substitute of proper doing a tune video they tried to create this proper into a “movie.” That is what occurs while chances are high you’ll per chance presumably contain got the “Thong Tune” after which earn the green gentle to open extra singles that were below no circumstances supposed to be singles. Releasing “Unleash the Dragon” after “Thong Tune” is enjoy getting moral at soccer after which proper assuming you’d robotically be moral at poetry.
0: 19 Yes, right here’s a barricade and records crew, for Sisqo. A LOCAL NEWS CREW.
0: 22 What a time.
I are seeking to be very lumber about something: I enjoy Sisqo. He used to be the lead singer of and not using a doubt one of essentially the most underrated R&B groups of all time, Dru Hill. Every time I gaze the video to “5 Steps,” I cry, particularly when THAT DOVE COMES OUT AT THE END AND THEN SISQO KNEELS — LORD LORD LORD.
But this song is inexcusable. And this video fully takes it over the tip, within the sense that presumably he (and each person eager) must contain long gone to penal advanced as soon as it used to be accomplished.
0: 25 Of us truly introduced flags to this Sisqo block earn collectively enjoy it used to be Glastonbury. Unreal.
0: 27 I haven’t seen this video in years, so there are going to be various Sisqo realities that I forgot existed. Like the chain.
Moreover, WHY THE UNDERSCORE AFTER “DRAGON”? I’m already getting pissed off.
0: 28 Correct as a reminder, it’s nearly been half a minute and there has not been any tune. Moreover, why are human beings helping Sisqo placed on his jackets enjoy he’s Jed Bartlet or something?
0: 29 Imagine being the recipient of sun shades from Sisqo and him not even having a survey at you. Correct fully disrespectful.
0: 37 Sisqo at final sang something — “the dragon” — in Sisqovoce. Moreover, he spun a microphone around his finger, which I will’t create a GIF of because it’ll give me a worm.
0: 38 It’s at this point in tune historical past that Sisqo begins and not using a doubt one of our greatest buildups after which straight lets down humanity enjoy we’ve rarely seen. He hits us with the spoken observe:
What I’m about to originate
I’m definite no person anticipated
But that’s what I originate
Y’all know me
Moral now
I’m about to open the dragon
Uh, uh, come on
0: 55 After which the fall:
Here I come
N?-?-?-?-s support me help
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Nothing is funnier than this. I’m sorry. Nothing. I’ve below no circumstances seen any individual be less intimidating in their most intimidating existence second than what Sisqo does factual right here. He lost the fight earlier than the minute ticket, and there are tranquil six extra minutes.
HERE I COME. N?-?-?-?-S HOLD ME BACK — I NEED OXYGEN.
Among the fully ingredients is the crowd reaction. They like it. “GO SISQO WE LOVE YOU” they’re doubtlessly screaming as he berates them with HERE I COME / N?-?-?-?-S HOLD ME BACK.
1: 02 I truly feel enjoy right here’s indubitably Ben Carson’s lunge-to song in karaoke.
1: 03 He has extra lyrics. And not a single one must be overpassed.
Drained of holdin’ help
I’m about to let the plod’ attack
It’s too grand. Fun truth: The “Unleash the Dragon” video is the prequel to Crimson Tails.
1: 10 Among the notes I made in that 2011 blurb about “Unleash the Dragon” used to be about the doable opinion leading up to writing the lyrics: “Sisqo must claim the N-observe extra than 70 instances.” Through 70 seconds, he’s very grand on tempo:
Bugged out n?-?-?-?-s
Thugged out n?-?-?-?-s
I don’t truly care
You all my n?-?-?-?-s
And wouldn’t you comprehend it, the crowd loves it. But it’s nearly as if he wants the crowd to come to a decision him extra seriously, however they’re not — PERHAPS CAUSING ANGER THAT MIGHT, IN TURN, CAUSE HIM TO UNLEASH THE DRAGON.
1: 11 In case someone used to be questioning what file label Sisqo used to be on at the time:
Yep, the acknowledge is, truly, Def Soul.
1: 16 Sisqo has made it to the chorus, however he’s tranquil so severe. And he’s on his balcony, along with his Crimson Tails dancers, singing and dancing, begging the crowd to come to a decision him seriously. But they obtained’t; the crowd is correct smiling and cheering from below. He’s assuring them, “Y’all n?-?-?-?-s gon’ create me / unleash the dragon.” But they’re not listening. Then he’s all, “I do know you don’t truly wanna / unleash the dragon.” But tranquil, they’re proper so gleeful, contented to be at a Sisqo concert. But what they don’t know — a indisputable truth that Sisqo clearly is conscious of — is that right here’s bigger than any genuine concert. The stakes are at an all-time high.
1: 18 The floor begins to shake, inflicting each person to vary proper into a truly unhealthy actor.
1: 28 The surprising quakes are getting so unhealthy that Sisqo stops singing. Not dancing, nonetheless, as he and the Crimson Tails would below no circumstances decelerate. No one can truly know, however I truly feel as if the seismic disturbances are a cramped bit of connected to this dragon Sisqo retains talking about.
1: 47 Around this point of the song/video, it will get unnecessarily unhealthy. It’s the point when the video fully takes over the song; the commotion of the scene is three instances louder than the lyrics and the tune, which is enhanced fully because Sisqo is barely singing anymore — since, you know, this video is true and all.
1: 56 That is so unhealthy. Sisqo goes three seconds without singing, after which proper screams “OH NA NA NA.” How did this happen. How the hell did this happen?
1: 59 Uh-oh.
This can be unhealthy. Moreover, various the crowd has been launched to the ground by what the newscaster with the slicked-help hair is calling “an earthquake.” But I truly contain a feeling Sisqo is the fully one who’s thinking, Wait, that is per chance not an earthquake, in which case I truly might have to unleash the dragon.
2: 08 BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE.
THAT’S A DRAGON, LADIES AND GENTS.
3: 10 A beefy minute goes by of this dragon proper destroying each person on one metropolis block, stepping on autos and punching structures while various apprehensive other folks relate, “OH SHIT.” The save’s Sisqo? Very unclear. Is that this tranquil a Sisqo video? Very unclear. Is there any tune left? Very unclear.
3: 12 The fully thing extra puzzling than a dragon?
Tatyana Ali. Don’t are attempting and create sense of it. Correct settle for what has came about. Tatyana Ali is able to be the damsel in distress for Dragon Sisqo in this seven-minute movie that might were a Vine.
3: 26 Oh, hi, Sisqo, how good of you to be a half of us to your contain tune video — NOW MIGHT BE A NICE TIME TO UNLEASH THE DRAGON, BRUH.
3: 40 What occurs after Sisqo sees Tatyana down by the dragon is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. First, Sisqo yells “HEY!” at the dragon as if he’s in Newsies and it’s enjoy c’mon, son.
After this dragon-unleash of a fright tactic, the dragon appears factual at him and Sisqo says, “What originate you judge you’re doing, scaring other folks, stepping on autos?”
The dragon breaths on him, launching Sisqo help to the doorway, after which out of nowhere the tune starts as soon as more and he proper sings “OH NA NA NA.” It’s nearly as if this were accomplished in one decide, no script, and each person had proper been molly-waterboarded.
3: 46 “I do know you don’t truly wanna” —Sisqo, lined in dragon saliva, to the dragon.
4: 11 This dragon, clearly very put up-Sisqo, begins to commence swinging at him, enjoy the gnat that he is. Fortunately for Sisqo, he is de facto moral at front flips.
4: 41 The following 30 seconds are truly sad, even by “Unleash the Dragon” standards. After all of this, they’d the nerve to unleash two rap verses by two rappers whom I refuse to survey up, both of whom are wearing snakeskin outfits wrapped in turkey bacon.
And for those of you who’re eager with the dragon-tearing-up-the-metropolis jam, yes, this verse is taking situation in a room that the dragon proper destroyed. And no, they don’t appear to be longing for his or her security, because the room assuredly has Cristal.
5: 00 Here is your five-minutes-in Sisqo-in–The Matrix change, for someone tranquil ill ample to be reading this:
That is also the second when I realize right here’s the greatest video of its time. It’s enjoy seven varied nightmares stitched collectively, introduced to you by the many budgets of the slack ’90s.
5: 20 Sisqo’s doing flips and avoiding being killed by the dragon, however I also proper remembered that Sisqo has that abdominal tattoo. Correct didn’t are seeking to head away that out.
Moreover, Sisqo is getting his cramped ASS kicked, however doing it standard.
That shot on my own impress extra than Whiplash.
6: 00 If you hadn’t guessed, Sisqo finally ends up defeating the true dragon by unleashing his interior dragon. What, precisely, is his interior dragon? Dancing the dragon to loss of life.
First he does his dauntless strikes:
After which he puts on his shades (this time, on his contain).
After which he runs below the dragon, inflicting it to fall in an alley, the tip.
Yes, that’s how he defeats the dragon and saves the enviornment. Like every first-level boss of a online game, he proper confuses it and it dies. Wow, some dragon Sisqo has interior. Staunch thing he’s so artful when his gloomy outfit turns red and he turns into the dragon, out-dragoning an proper dragon. Thank god for Sisqo.
6: 33 What Sisqo does subsequent … proper sit down down earlier than you be taught the next line. It’s truly too grand, the nerve he has at this second.
“SISQO. N?-?-?-?- WHAT” —DRAGON SISQO TO THE DEAD DRAGON.
We’re not grand.
There’s a cramped bit of bit extra within the video, however it and not using a doubt’s mainly proper Sisqo calling varied dragons “n?-?-?-?-s.” I’m so contented this unpleasant song and this unpleasant video came about. Without it, a third of my lifetime tears below no circumstances would contain left my eyes. Thank you, Sisqo, for consistently carrying me to the gates of Valhalla every time I push play on this work of art.
